Bombers End Regular Season in Style

BY SPARKY CHALMERS

AE&S donned brand new athletic-imitation, flashy jerseys, but it was B&E that stole the spotlight yesterday in Park Ridge. In the final game of the regular season the Bombers put together a fantastic all-around effort and finished off last years’ runner up 22-4.
The game’s first few innings weren’t indicative of the blowout to be. In fact AE&S, held the Bombers (5-3) to a single run for the first three innings—but, while 22 runs looks impressive, it was the Bombers defense that earned the victory.
“Chispeamos realmente en el campo hoy y pienso que frustró eventual AE&S ese ellos couldn't consigue cualquier cosa lograda ofensivo,” shortstop and new Boombox Chain recipient Jason Calcano said. “Si jugamos la defensa como eso en las segundas fases seremos una salida resistente.”
And Calcano was right! The stifling defense frustrated a strong AE&S team. If you hold the Bomber lineup to four runs through four innings, and still find you’re trailing—its mucho deflating.
Deflating as a nail gun because the offense was coming. Michael Barbara hit a series of doubles and Steve Sartori celebrated his 31st birthday with clutch RBI and a towering homer to centerfield that even got a cheer from his toughest critics.
“Yeah Daddy!” yelled Ben Sartori. “Can I have a cupcake now?!” asked Zach Sartori.
Before Sartori’s shot to center, the Bomber offense got a Red Bull infustion from hits at the back of the order. Dan Sandin started a seven-run inning with a solid line drive to centerfield and was advanced by a similar shot from Brian Reilly. A collective cheer was heard from a neighborhood climbing wall.
“Performance Enhancing Drugs are a thing of the past, Performance Enhancing Hair-Clips are the wave of the future,” outfielder and Sandin’s stylist Melinda Haggerty said referring to a brief stretch where Sandin donated his wavy locks to beauty science.
Both Sandin and Reilly would come through to score on a RBI single to right field from Susan Osterlitz. It was a breakthrough performance from Osterlitz who took advantage of a pitcher who obviously didn’t know and didn’t learn that she likes to hit the ball to right field.
“Right field,” Osterlitz said with a karate chop motion and a point to the sky.
After stretching the lead to a ten-run rule into the 6th, the Bombers were challenged by AE&S.
“You want to quit?” they mocked.
The puzzled B&E team just took the field after technically winning and once again, shut down the Green and Yellow threat. With runners on first and second, the Bombers managed to get three straight put-outs at third base—and boy did James Heine look good standing on third catching the ball. Like Michelangelo’s David, but taller and more muscular, with hair gel, and a baseball glove, Heine sucked in those throws with an almost irresponsible flair.
“I just thank my lucky stars that we found the field,” Project Manager Kelly Loftus said. “I had to postpone my lease signing, and I wasn’t sure I’d get the chance to watch James stand on third. What a relief that was for Mary Kate, Claudia, and I.”
Following the extra inning, the Bombers once again continued to put runs on the board—another nine to be exact. Eric Svendsen not only created the power with his bat but with his wisdom. “Just hit a home run,” he said to his team. And for the most part it worked, as hard hits started pouring out of the dugout, sending runs around the bases.
Jason Calcano played pretty well too. He hit a couple homers or something.

Playoffs Are Here
Starting next week the Bombers can no longer afford a loss. B&E will not get a first round bye in the playoffs like the last two seasons and will need to defend their championship with a brutal stretch through a single elimination playoff. Schedules expected later this week.